Awkward Catholic

Living my faith as the awkward man of God that I am.


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Trust the Church?

Recently I was talking with some teens about the Church and how has the fullness of the Truth and they struggled to accept that statement. Mind you, some of these teens are faithful Catholics and peer leaders in their youth group.

Helping Hand

So, that begs the question, can the Church be trusted? If the Church is made up of people like you and me, how can we trust the Church to have the answers, to have the fullness of the Truth? In the Creed we say that we believe in One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. But how can this Church be holy? I know what I’ve done in my life and I’ve not always lived a very holy one. Even today, I’m constantly succumbing to temptations and sins. I feel like such a hypocrite being encouraging teens to be holy, pray more and to love God, when I so often choose the opposite in my own life.

So how do I do it? How can I tell you that the Church is the fullness of Truth and holiness when there are so many hypocrites like me in it? First, perhaps we should define our terms. To be holy is to be set apart for God. You and I are holy because, through our Baptism, we have been set apart for God, claimed as His very own, and so we are holy. The sacred vessels at Mass are holy because they are set apart for God alone. It would be terrible to fill the chalice with coke or beer. We could, and that would desecrate it, but wouldn’t change the fact that the chalice continues to have a unique and beautiful purpose… to hold within it the very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ Jesus our Lord.

You and I are more than just “like the chalice”; we become the chalice! Through Communion we become the vessel that brings Christ to the world! We are called to be set apart for God, and no matter how much we tarnish our lives with sin, we still remain His.

This may not seem too important to your life right now, but think about what this means! You are unique and deeply loved and longed for by God! You have a purpose and mission unique in the entire history of time and space! Because of this call to holiness, this being chosen and set apart by God, your life, your drama, your suffering and joys are given a beautiful purpose.

I don’t know about you but that gives me hope and joy, especially when I’m not feeling so special or unique or good about myself.

Next, what about all the hypocrites like me? You know what it’s like. You’re sitting in the pew at Mass and see that kid from school who was passing pictures of some poor girl around on his phone, or you see that girl you know who was killing some other girl’s soul with gossip and lies the other day. And there’s that youth minister guy who’s always talking about God and love, but you I saw him in the store the other day losing it at his kids. What a hypocrite.

Some faith this church seems to have.

Here’s the thing, the Church isn’t a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners. You and I don’t come to church because we have it all together, but because without His grace and mercy in the Sacraments and found through our community, we’re sick and gasping for breath, choking on our brokenness.

Finally, we are the Body of Christ. We are not merely a random group of people who happen to believe a similar thing, trying to find comfort in a hoped for future paradise. We are Christ’s hands blessing the world; we are his mouth speaking mercy and peace upon those around us; we are his heart pouring ourselves out for the weak and lost.

And he is our head. He is perfect justice, perfect mercy, and the fullness of Truth.

He is the Way, the Truth and the Life; not a way, a truth and a life! He is the only true way, the fullness of Truth, the only true source of Life! All other ways are either mere copies, or cheap knockoffs, or complete shams.

In the end, it is not just me or the priest, mere men and women who call you to holiness. Rather, it is the Holy Spirit within us. And this Holy Spirit is not mixed with shadows of error, doubt or lies.

Can the Church be trusted? Well, only you can answer that question for yourself. When we ask that question, we are not asking whether or not men and women in the Church can be trusted. We are asking, can the Holy Spirit, God himself, be trusted? That is a question that each heart must answer for his or her own.

And if I trust Christ, trust in his Spirit, then it naturally follows that he will lead me into the fullness of His Truth, the place where there is no mixture of falsehood or shadow. And that when he promised us that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that he would give us the fullness of His Spirit in our Church, then it only leaves two options, either Christ is a liar and can’t be trusted at all or the Church contains the fullness of Truth who is Christ himself, and that while we are still sinners, he is transforming us into saints, to be holy, like His Church.


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To Be or Not to Be… a Saint…

That awkward moment when you’re driving down the road and suddenly realize that you forgot how old you are… “I’m 38,” you say to yourself. “No, wait, I’m 39. Wait, did I turn 38 or 39 last month? Oh shoot, I can’t remember. I think it was 39, but I’m not a year away from 40, am I? No, it has to be 38.” Then you have to start from 1977 and count forwards on your fingers until you realize with great despair and sorrow that you are in fact 39.

Fortunately, nobody was around to witness this torturous moment of self-awareness. Yes, I am 39 years old, one year away from 40 and I’m no closer to being a saint than I was at 28, sometimes I feel even further away. Ugh. Think of it this way, my life is perhaps half over and the seemingly “best years”, the ones in which I’m supposed to be fired by passion and hopeful zeal for change have slipped away. It’s funny, I used to think I’d be dead by the time I was 40, it seemed like I would have accomplished all I needed to by then. But now, the deadline looms large and I look back and realize that I let slip by so many of the best years of my life. So many of the saints were saints by now or well on their way. But where am I; still dawdling at the starting line, distracted by things that are really nothing.

This connects to what dawned on me just the other day in my favorite place to meditate, the shower… I’m not sure I really want to be a saint. I mean, sure I want to be a saint, but do I really WANT to be a saint? I don’t know. I want to go to heaven, of course; I love God and I love His Church, its teachings Traditions, doctrines, and pretty much the entire beautiful mess that makes up the Body of Christ. But I don’t think I want to give up my video games, sleeping in, binge watching Netflix, superhero movies, driving too fast and everything else I waste time doing.

Now, if you’ve been reading my blog for some time (there aren’t very many of you, so thanks) you’re probably expecting some deep insight or profound encouragement, but I honestly don’t have it. If I’m being honest, I’m content in my contentedness; I’m content to keep chipping away with tiny little chisel blows at the colossal boulder that sits in place of my heart when I know I need a sledge hammer. (Maybe this means God is going to be swinging that sledge hammer with or without my permission soon enough and he’s trying to get me ready for it… in that case I can only cry, cringe and hope for the best I suppose. – Romans 8:28.)

Why am I being so honest? Because I’m convinced that a majority of people feel the same way and it doesn’t do us any good to pretend otherwise. I’m not saying that I’m giving up, nor am I satisfied with my reality. Of course I’m still going to try to love God, my wife, my kids and my neighbor as best I can. But I need to be honest because I can’t get to my destination if I lie about where I am. If I somehow convince my Waze GPS program that I’m somewhere I’m not, no matter how accurate the program is, I will never reach my destination… to see the Face of God.

But how can I see if I am blind? Am I blind? I feel as if I have a split personality at times, as if half of me were like the man born blind in John 9, who once he was healed believed in God and worshipped him; and the other half of me is like the Pharisees who knew the truths of God but are unable to see… unable to believe and be healed. “Jesus said to them, ‘If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you are saying, “We see,” so your sin remains.” (John 9:41)

Please God, let me see my blindness! Let me see the Truth of my sin, my weakness, my false reality (i.e. those things that distract me from you). Heal the brokenness within me and without. Give me the grace to change. I give you permission to change that which I lack the strength to change myself.